Tag Archives: Random

The One With Being Alone But Not Lonely

At a home gathering recently, a close of friend of mine commented on how I seem to be unable to be on my own for a long period of time.

“What do you mean?” I asked, more puzzled than insulted.

She then ranted off how I always seem to have “someone of the moment”; be it a date, a fling, a friend etc. I have this aura of need, a somewhat a disability to be on my own.

While I disagree that this could be the truth, I can’t deny that it’s not 100% inaccurate either. A simple scroll back to my Facebook updates, Twitter tweets and blog posts reveal as much.

If I am incapable of being alone, why do I, then, have been resolutely single for the past seven years?

You know how some questions are best left unanswered? This is one of them.

(Photo Credit)

The One With The Three Frogs

The One With The Three Frogs

Three frogs were sitting on a log and two decided to jump off, so how many were left on the log?

One, you say? Nope. Three. That’s the point. They only decided to jump off, they didn’t actually do anything about it. It’s not what you think about that matters in life, it’s what you actually do about it.

So I’ll begin today… by taking the train to work instead of my usual cab. It might be a small thing to you, it might be the jet lag talking, but it is a start for me.

Let today be the start of the adventure in your life.

(Photo Credit)

The One With The Gay Couple

The One With The Gay Couple

Imagine you are a gay man.

Imagine you are sitting in a subway train. Right opposite you is this gay couple, who were totally comfortable with themselves and were obviously contented with each other.

Now, what do you do? Do you steal looks at them? Or look on openly, in admiration? Do you smile to yourself? Or would you do everything but to look at them?

The answer, I think, is what would you do if the couple you are looking at is of the male-female variety. The so-called “normal” couple.

Perhaps, if enough of us treat the so-call alternative elements of society as being the norm, then perhaps one day it will become the norm.

(Photo Credit)

The One With The Start Of The Week

The One With The Start Of The Week

Welcome to Monday, the start of yet another week.

I walked into the office today to be met by an overflowing inbox, a messy desk and unfinished to-do list. Sounds familiar, yes? Probably you would think I will be all gloomy. I wasn’t. I am not over-the-moon, of course (that particular emotion is for Fridays only), but I know what to do with them.

I spent the next two hours of my Monday organising my tasks, replying overdue emails and scheduling appointments on my calendar. I never schedule a meeting on a Monday morning, so that I can get everything sorted out for a smoother journey into the week ahead.

Of course, writing this blog post is kind of a detour from my routine. I timed myself, this only took 5 minutes.

How did you start your week?

(Photo Credit)

The Joy of Being Organised At Work

Few people I know hum with efficiency at work without the help of tools of some sort. I don’t know about you, but I swear by Excel.

I heart Spreadsheet

You see, I have this customised Excel spreadsheet at work elegantly named as “Tracking List” which I open first thing every morning, and save last at the end of a work day. Sorted by dates, current tasks are highlighted in yellow, overdue ones are in a shade of non-alarming pink, and important ones are bold in red.

In theory, what I need to do is:
1) Clear out items bold in red and highlighted in pink
2) Clear out items bold in red and highlighted in yellow
3) Clear out items highlighted in pink
4) Clear out items highlighted in yellow

I am rather impartial to the sequence I do (3) and (4), and with any luck I might even get to tackle rows not in bold, not highlighted (i.e. future tasks, my logic-challenged readers).

That, my friends, happens only in the parallel universe called “in theory”. Reality is I have too many pink tasks I care to look at, and the multitude of red bold rows sent me into a state of disorganised panic every time I open the damn file.

So I did the next best thing and check emails from my boss. Afterall, whatever the boss wants gotta be the most urgent, isn’t it?

Efficiency is really not my cup of tea.

(Photo Credit: Rufus Leonard)

Winter in Hong Kong

Did you miss me? I miss blogging. No, unlike bears, I don’t hibernate during winter time. That’s because I am no bear. And I don’t care if you think I look like one.

Winter in Hong Kong

Winter time is fast approaching in Hong Kong. It gets dark by 5 p.m., so it’s always good news for night owls like me. In the blink of an eye, I have been in Hong Kong for half a year. That’s six months. Six months of roller coaster rides, of successes and failures, of ruined plans and shocking surprises.

Just like the weather, when it gets cold, you keep your singlets and berms, and take out the jackets and scarves. So when life threw you lemons, you roll with the punches, keep living and be happy.

At the end of it all, a sweet life is made out of moments like these.

Food I Miss

Ayam Penyet Dinner @ Lucky Plaza

Lunch at Brewerkz with ex-colleagues from EnergySkills

Dinner at AMK Ave 5

Dinner at AMK Ave 5

My favourite sashimi at Beppu, Luk Yeung Galleria

Laksa by Cheryl!

Obviously, I am hungry.

Your Lover is NOT a Shopping List

Do you have an online profile on a dating website? And if you do, what do you write under “What am I looking for?” column?

Your lover is NOT a shopping list

It irks me how people people approach dating and relationship like they are shopping. When they go for their first date with a “prospect”, it is as if they are shopping for clothes. Does the collar fit? Is the cutting flattering? Does the colour suit my skin? Is that the best price? Can it go with my pants?

If the said date is lucky to fulfill most of this mental checklist, he might have that second date. On the rare occasion when one fulfills all the criteria, he will be asked to go for the next date.

One of my online pals agrees with me:

I am always dubious of people with very specific requirements for any potential partner; perhaps I’m just a romantic at heart. I have plenty of preferences, but I think you have to be willing to adapt. Online dating sites are chocked full of people with a huge list of what they want to take out of any relationship, and absolutely no idea what they can put into one. Or, often, no intention of putting anything in at all.

Why do people always focus on what the other party can contribute to the relationship, and not what they themselves can bring to the table? Are we so focused on what we need that we lost sight that a relationship is made up of two person?

Like how Cowboy Caleb dissed a blogger on how she only think of “me! me! me!” (that sounded like Ris Low, by the way), I hope the day will come when most of us think of the other person first, then oneself.

Let me walk my talk. So what can I bring to the table?

1) The person will become the top priority of my life, without question

2) Expect adventure and excitement in exploring places unknown

3) A wedding of the century, one that is spectacular and memorable for years to come

4) A strong sense of family and security that only a stable home can bring

When you know what you can offer to your other half, you’ll inevitably create your own “shopping list” without seeming to do so. Do you know why?

The Business of Love

“The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed.

Sexual Attraction

(Photo Credit: Maria Eugenia)

It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

Monica & Chandler in Friends

(Photo Credit: balthazar82)

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

Shared Laughter

(Photo Credit: Linda aka Oz)

If your laughter together is good and healthy and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

Dealing with the world...

(Photo Credit: public good)

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

The mysteries of life...

(Photo Credit: idgie)

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.

A happy couple

(Photo Credit: fishbed93)

If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.”

(This note was originally posted on my Tumblr account. Source unknown.)

A Blogging Dilemma

A Blogging Dilemma

If written word is the window to one’s soul, I shudder to think what kind of view you get through mine.

I used to think that blogging is an expression of your emotional being. States of elation, despair and frustrations flow with your words, reaching out to your readers in hope that they will feel and share your feelings.

But as I trawled back the history of this blog, I realised my writings are horrendous at best, stupefying at worst… save for a couple of the more melodramatic posts.

I could justify my failure by saying I am being myself in my own space, but whom am I kidding? I yearn to be understood, and I should write to be understood.

Back to the drawing writing board now.

(Photo by andyp_uk)