Tag Archives: Jokes

The One With The First Bird Flu Case In Hong Kong

And so bird flu has hit Hong Kong (hat tip to Daphne). In view of this public menace ahead I have put on my overimaginative hat and would propose the following health advisory:

Don’t travel to China. At all. That’ll eliminate 90% of the risks.

Don’t eat poultry. Heck, don’t eat meat at all. Be a vegan. I have yet to hear a fatal case from eating too much vegetables

Don’t have sex. Don’t make out. Stay away from everyone, preferably at a 3m radius. Bodily fluid of every variety might kill you. Condoms won’t help under these circumstances.

Don’t use public toilets. When in need, think happy thoughts. Or how disgusting public toilets can be.

Don’t eat out. Eat at home. Cook everything at high heat. Freeze all leftover. That’ll take care most of the bacteria.

Don’t go to work. Unfortunately that is not an option for most people. So if you have been thinking about going on your own on that business, now is the time.

Jokes aside, please stay healthy and be cautious at this dangerous time.

(Photo Credit: http://www.poultryhelp.com)

The One With Elevators and Heights

Lift

One day I was in the elevator (It seems like a lot of my daily anecdotes start this way. Apparently I spent my entire life going up and down buildings. I know some folks do that as a hobby, but people, that’s really not the way you should live your life, even if you are clinically insane).

Where was I? Oh. One day I was in the elevator with a friend who is taller than me. We both looked at the sign above, which says we should not stab the buttons with sharp objects.

Guys being guys, the reference to “sharp objects” made us incapable of coherent thoughts as our (thinking) blood rushed involuntary to the only object on us which could do the (warned against) deed.

I jokingly said that that warning doesn’t apply to me, since the highest I could reach would probably be the second floor, or something.

My friend then looked at me pityingly and said, “Oh, that’s sad. I could at least reach a six.”

Parts of me felt very small that day.