(This was replicated from somewhere in Facebook. If you are the owner, do alert me so that I can credit you appropriately)
Because God knows we all need some levity, right?
Upon receiving The Order of the Phoenix, we couldn’t help but notice the high frequency of the phrase “Flat on his back.” Alerted by this fact, we looked a little closer and compiled a list of wonderfully out of context quotes for the amusement and edification of all. Curiously, most of them seem to involve either Fred and George or Snape. We think there might be something to this. We tried to add page numbers, but occasionally our amusement overwhelmed our sense of proper citation protocol. Also, we were too lazy to go back and look them up. We regret the inconvenience. Actually, no. We don’t. (edit: Missing page numbers have been provided by Aquilus Veritas. Thanks!)
~ M-teki and Jack of None
Without further ado….
The List.
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“What d’you mean, I’m not brave in bed?” said Harry, completely nonplussed. (14)
“…I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago –”
“He was asking for it,” snarled Dudley. (13)
“I heard you last night,” said Dudley breathlessly. “Talking in your sleep. Moaning.” (15)
“Ah well…wand still in your jeans?” (53)
“JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!” (84)
“You two just Apparated on my knees!”
“Yeah, well, it’s harder in the dark –” (97)
“There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry’s mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet.
“So, got there yet?” said George eagerly. (100)
“…screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry’s bedroom.” (85)
“Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open.” (121)
“Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes.” (154)
“He’s having a go at my mother!” Seamus yelled. (218)
“Or any part of your body, really, we’re not fussy where we stick this.” (343)
“…when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker’s needs. Dobby has used it, sir,” said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, “when Winky has been very drunk.” (387)
“She’s somethin’ when she’s roused, Olympe…fiery, you know…’spect it’s the French in her…” (432)
“He was rather taller than Snape, who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wand.” (520)
“Stand up and take out your wand, Potter.” (533)
“I thought not,” said Snape, watching him closely. “You let me get in too far. You lost control.” (535)
“Manners, Potter,” said Snape dangerously. “Now, I want you to close your eyes.”
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand. (535)
“He was on all fours again on Snape’s office floor.” (536)
“Ron wrenched the hangings apart, and Harry stared up at him in the moonlight, as he lay flat on his back.” (586)
“Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break,” said George.
“What do you mean, ‘tried’?” said Ron quickly. (627)
“Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we?” said Snape smoothly. “Wand out, Potter.”
Harry moved into his usual position… (638)
“But whether James really did take off Snape’s pants, Harry never found out.” (649)
“…did things with a wand I’ve never seen before…” (711)
(Readers’ submissions after the jump)
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