Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Hilarious stuff found all over the web worth blogging about

The Joy of Being Organised At Work

Few people I know hum with efficiency at work without the help of tools of some sort. I don’t know about you, but I swear by Excel.

I heart Spreadsheet

You see, I have this customised Excel spreadsheet at work elegantly named as “Tracking List” which I open first thing every morning, and save last at the end of a work day. Sorted by dates, current tasks are highlighted in yellow, overdue ones are in a shade of non-alarming pink, and important ones are bold in red.

In theory, what I need to do is:
1) Clear out items bold in red and highlighted in pink
2) Clear out items bold in red and highlighted in yellow
3) Clear out items highlighted in pink
4) Clear out items highlighted in yellow

I am rather impartial to the sequence I do (3) and (4), and with any luck I might even get to tackle rows not in bold, not highlighted (i.e. future tasks, my logic-challenged readers).

That, my friends, happens only in the parallel universe called “in theory”. Reality is I have too many pink tasks I care to look at, and the multitude of red bold rows sent me into a state of disorganised panic every time I open the damn file.

So I did the next best thing and check emails from my boss. Afterall, whatever the boss wants gotta be the most urgent, isn’t it?

Efficiency is really not my cup of tea.

(Photo Credit: Rufus Leonard)

Harry Potter – Fun with Innuendo

The Great Hall of Hogwarts

(This was replicated from somewhere in Facebook. If you are the owner, do alert me so that I can credit you appropriately)

Because God knows we all need some levity, right?

Upon receiving The Order of the Phoenix, we couldn’t help but notice the high frequency of the phrase “Flat on his back.” Alerted by this fact, we looked a little closer and compiled a list of wonderfully out of context quotes for the amusement and edification of all. Curiously, most of them seem to involve either Fred and George or Snape. We think there might be something to this. We tried to add page numbers, but occasionally our amusement overwhelmed our sense of proper citation protocol. Also, we were too lazy to go back and look them up. We regret the inconvenience. Actually, no. We don’t. (edit: Missing page numbers have been provided by Aquilus Veritas. Thanks!)

~ M-teki and Jack of None

Without further ado….

The List.

——————————————————————————–

“What d’you mean, I’m not brave in bed?” said Harry, completely nonplussed. (14)

“…I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago –”
“He was asking for it,” snarled Dudley. (13)

“I heard you last night,” said Dudley breathlessly. “Talking in your sleep. Moaning.” (15)

“Ah well…wand still in your jeans?” (53)

“JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!” (84)

“You two just Apparated on my knees!”
“Yeah, well, it’s harder in the dark –” (97)

“There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry’s mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet.
“So, got there yet?” said George eagerly. (100)

“…screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry’s bedroom.” (85)

“Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open.” (121)

“Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes.” (154)

“He’s having a go at my mother!” Seamus yelled. (218)

“Or any part of your body, really, we’re not fussy where we stick this.” (343)

“…when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker’s needs. Dobby has used it, sir,” said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, “when Winky has been very drunk.” (387)

“She’s somethin’ when she’s roused, Olympe…fiery, you know…’spect it’s the French in her…” (432)

“He was rather taller than Snape, who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wand.” (520)

“Stand up and take out your wand, Potter.” (533)

“I thought not,” said Snape, watching him closely. “You let me get in too far. You lost control.” (535)

“Manners, Potter,” said Snape dangerously. “Now, I want you to close your eyes.”
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand. (535)

“He was on all fours again on Snape’s office floor.” (536)

“Ron wrenched the hangings apart, and Harry stared up at him in the moonlight, as he lay flat on his back.” (586)

“Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break,” said George.
“What do you mean, ‘tried’?” said Ron quickly. (627)

“Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we?” said Snape smoothly. “Wand out, Potter.”
Harry moved into his usual position… (638)

“But whether James really did take off Snape’s pants, Harry never found out.” (649)

“…did things with a wand I’ve never seen before…” (711)

(Readers’ submissions after the jump)
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Introducing… Mr. Porky the Pig!

Work has been picking up in office, hence everyone in the team was a bit stretched… for a good reason. So when I saw Mr. Porky at Plaza Singapura last night, I just couldn’t resist:

porky

So cute right? I loved it so much… that I thought I should spread the joy to everyone in the office.

puppets

(From L to R) Ms. Bunny, Mr. Porky, Mr. Mousey, Mr. BearBear and Ms. Pussy Kitty Cat.

We had so much fun playing with our new toys. Ah, the joy of simple things in life.

Now we can have our very own Puppet Musical in office!

When Baby Panda Sneeze

Thanks to Elaine for the absolutely hilarious video clip!

Going Banana

Going Banana

Calory-counting has been my mantra of late. I watch every morsel I put in my mouth. I eat only when I am hungry, and not when it’s time for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

So when my stomach rumbled at the sight of bananas at Starbucks this morning, I decided to have one for breakfast.

(A mere 80 calories, mind you)

Anyway, the said banana caused quite a commotion in the office, so I decided to take a photo of myself perusing the banana. I pondered over my choices of pose:

1) I can eat it
2) I can hold it like a pistol
3) I can stuff it up my nose
4) I can stuff it… uh, in my mouth
5) I can put it on my lips, like a smiley
6) I can put it on my head, like a misshapen hat

In the end, I used it like a phone. LOL.

Argh! What a mundane entry! I am bored :(

Cheers to Banal MSN Conversations

J: that is the mystery of life
Me: are we just emotionally rich, or emotionally incapable? LOL.
J: No, we’re all just a little emotionally fucked up. haha
Me: Wahaha… I am so gonna blog that down. LOL LOL

R: There are two kinds of alcoholics
R: Binge and chronic
R: The problem with me is that when I drink, I drink a lot
Me: So you are a binge drinker
R: Yeah. I don’t drink often
Me: I guess I am a chronic drinker then
R: No, you are just an alcoholic
R: Everyone says so!!!
Me: WTF!

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Memori Hari Valentines 2005

Thet
Thet, demi seorang dari Myanmar dalam syarikat saya

(Note: This is my attempt to re-write an old story of mine into Malay. I have been observing with interest how some of my friends started to blog in their second language – Chinese – so I decided to give mine – Bahasa Melayu – a go as well. And since I want try to be funny, I dig out this old post and see it’s effect in Malay. What do you think?)

Hari ini adalah hari terakhir bagi Thet datang ke pejabat sebelum cuti panjangnya. Oleh kerana saya seorang manager yang baik hati (dan Thet adalah kawan baik saya), saya menjemput seluruh unit saya pergi menjamu selera did “5-Star Chicken Rice” tidak jauh dari bangunan pejabat kami.

Seluruh unit saya = cuma tiga orang sahaja =)

Pada pendapat saya, budak-budak lelaki zaman sekarang mempunyai pandangan yang amat berbeza dalam hal-hal makan dan minum.

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Who Says NTU Is Boring?

Well, at least not nowadays. What happened in NTU Canteen A recently was utterly ridiculous – not to mention hilarious – that I was gasping in admiration.

The familiar setting of the largest canteen NTU falling pranks to this bunch of exchange students got me bemused. As the local students look on stunned with what is unfolding, I can only wonder what they must be thinking.

If I was there, I would have cheered the ang-mohs on, throwing some food at them for good measure.

Click here for the video on YouTube. Credit to Tomorrow.sg.

The Graph of Relationships

This pretty much sums up everything:

Via the ever amazing Cowboy Caleb

Southwest Airlines Pre-Flight Announcement

Click to view the video

Pre-flight announcements are usually very boring fair. I routinely tuned out of it, coz usually they are all the same old stuff.

And now this video will get you listening. Airline with a sense of humor? Excellent. Somehow I can’t see Singapore Airlines doing that.

(Transcript after the jump)

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